I am so blessed to have an amazing woman who works so hard to understand my Aspergers. Her love an understanding is more than I deserve. She is my gift from God. her love and understanding is amazing, and I am so thankful she deals with my Aspie quirks. She never gets upset by my meltdowns. She is never offended by my bluntness. She spoils me, she knows what I need even before I know. She knows when I need quiet time to decompress and she will gather the children and make sure I don’t go into sensory overload. She always puts me and my needs first. She is simply an amazing women.
I try very hard to never take advantage of her wonderful, selfless love. I try to give back to her all that she gives me, even though in my heart I know I will never be able to match her love. I am an Aspie after all. She often has to remind me how much hugs mean to her. She never makes me feel bad for my lack of hugging. When I get those reminders I do try very hard to give her those little things she seems to need. Although there are times she must feel like she is hugging Frankensteins monster with my cold embrace. But I try, and she loves me for trying.
One way I try to give her all she deserves is by giving her what ever she wants. If we are going out to eat, I let het pick the restaurant. If we go out to a movie, I let her chose the movie. Now this is easy because truth be told I don’t care where we eat and I get overwhelmed making choices. However sometimes it comes back to haunt me because for some silly reason she will occasionally want ME to pick. It is some need of hers to be taken care of I suppose, but this always causes problems because I don’t CARE where we eat and I don’t like the pressure of picking a movie. I know she will gladly watch what ever I pick, but I want to pick the one SHE wants. Needless to say this never ends well for me.
So here we are now, finally approaching our wedding. I am so ready to make this next step! You could say this wedding has been my obsession for the past 4 years. Not the wedding itself, but having this wonderful woman share my name. This is all I want. We have both been married before and neither of us sees the need for a big expensive fancy wedding. Thank God she doesn’t want to go through all that stress, my Aspie brain doesn’t like stress and crowds and such. This is working out perfectly. Or so I thought…
As the date approaches she wants to pick a location and rings and a dress. Okay I guess these things need to be done, but to me they aren’t important. I would marry her in the Wal-Mart parking lot in shorts and a t-shirt. So now it begins; the questions and the requests for my opinions. Where do I want to get married? What rings do I like? And the worst one of all, which dress to I like? Oh man! Doesnt she know I honestly don’t care? All I care about is that we are both there. Okay, I tell myself these things are important to her, although I don’t know why. So I try to help but she knows I could care less about these things. She knows she can do whatever she wants. So part of me feels bad because I know this is important to her. I know how much she puts up with out of me. How do I explain to her that the dress and the style of the rings and the location are so unimportant and they pale in comparison to the part that IS important here: My deepest love, admiration and respect for the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with?
I suppose I wont ever be able to articulate that in a way her NT mind will understand. So I will give her my opinions on these things. I will force myself to pick the rings and the location for the wedding and I will pray I pick the ones that she will like. And I will pretend that that there is one wedding dress above all others that will make her look more beautiful on her special day than any other dress.
But between us, she would be the most beautiful bride in the world even if she showed up in a burlap bag.