The wedding dress


I am so blessed to have an amazing woman who works so hard to understand my Aspergers. Her love an understanding is more than I deserve. She is my gift from God. her love and understanding is amazing, and I am so thankful she deals with my Aspie quirks. She never gets upset by my meltdowns. She is never offended by my bluntness. She spoils me, she knows what I need even before I know. She knows when I need quiet time to decompress and she will gather the children and make sure I don’t go into sensory overload. She always puts me and my needs first. She is simply an amazing women.


I try very hard to never take advantage of her wonderful, selfless love. I try to give back to her all that she gives me, even though in my heart I know I will never be able to match her love. I am an Aspie after all. She often has to remind me how much hugs mean to her. She never makes me feel bad for my lack of hugging. When I get those reminders I do try very hard to give her those little things she seems to need. Although there are times she must feel like she is hugging Frankensteins monster with my cold embrace. But I try, and she loves me for trying.


One way I try to give her all she deserves is by giving her what ever she wants. If we are going out to eat, I let het pick the restaurant. If we go out to a movie, I let her chose the movie. Now this is easy because truth be told I don’t care where we eat and I get overwhelmed making choices. However sometimes it comes back to haunt me because for some silly reason she will occasionally want ME to pick. It is some need of hers to be taken care of I suppose, but this always causes problems because I don’t CARE where we eat and I don’t like the pressure of picking a movie. I know she will gladly watch what ever I pick, but I want to pick the one SHE wants. Needless to say this never ends well for me.


So here we are now, finally approaching our wedding. I am so ready to make this next step! You could say this wedding has been my obsession for the past 4 years. Not the wedding itself, but having this wonderful woman share my name. This is all I want. We have both been married before and neither of us sees the need for a big expensive fancy wedding. Thank God she doesn’t want to go through all that stress, my Aspie brain doesn’t like stress and crowds and such. This is working out perfectly. Or so I thought…


Wedding Dress

Wedding Dress (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


As the date approaches she wants to pick a location and rings and a dress. Okay I guess these things need to be done, but to me they aren’t important. I would marry her in the Wal-Mart parking lot in shorts and a t-shirt. So now it begins; the questions and the requests for my opinions. Where do I want to get married? What rings do I like? And the worst one of all, which dress to I like? Oh man! Doesnt she know I honestly don’t care? All I care about is that we are both there. Okay, I tell myself these things are important to her, although I don’t know why. So I try to help but she knows I could care less about these things. She knows she can do whatever she wants. So part of me feels bad because I know this is important to her. I know how much she puts up with out of me. How do I explain to her that the dress and the style of the rings and the location are so unimportant and they pale in comparison to the part that IS important here: My deepest love, admiration and respect for the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with?


I suppose I wont ever be able to articulate that in a way her NT mind will understand. So I will give her my opinions on these things. I will force myself to pick the rings and the location for the wedding and I will pray I pick the ones that she will like. And I will pretend that that there is one wedding dress above all others that will make her look more beautiful on her special day than any other dress.

But between us, she would be the most beautiful bride in the world even if she showed up in a burlap bag.


15 comments on “The wedding dress

  1. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding! It seems to me that what you shared here would appropriately (and in a aspie-romance sort of way) reassure your love that your relationship is paramount and the details of an event don’t matter to you so much. However: a word of caution, weddings make us NTs lose our minds a bit, and she may be looking for your approval of the details as confirmation of your support and excitement about getting married. Use this phrase when necessary: “Sweetheart, I trust your judgment, thank you for all you’re doing to make this a special day.” It may not get you off the hook for every decision, but it sends the message that you’re with her & appreciative.
    Good luck!

  2. […] always easy, but nothing of value comes easy, does it? We still see things differently, see my post here about the wedding […]

  3. Colleen says:

    Hi, I check your blog regularly. Your story-telling
    style is witty, keep it up!

  4. Carol Warren says:

    Hello, I’m doing research on how Aspies love. Would you be up for an interview some time?

  5. I read this piece of writing fully about the resemblance of latest and preceding
    technologies, it’s awesome article.

  6. Rebecca says:

    So. She gets to choose anything when you don’t care about the outcome. And you get to choose everything when you care about the outcome, thus she has to give up a lot of herself (her needs) when she cares about something different than you. Just because you are an aspie. I would NEVER want to be hugged by someone who didn’t have the feeling go wanting to hug me! I am also referring to your post about you not caring about restaurants or movies. So what do you BOTH care about/ have the same opinion? Forgive my frustration… I dated an aspie for years and felt a huge emotional void. We have remained friends, but he still expects his needs to supersede mine. Just because he has aspergers – or, rather, logic is more important than emotions.

    • aspiewarrior says:

      I am sorry you had a bad relationship, however that doesn’t mean every relationship with an Aspie is bad. I don’t think I ever said I chose everything only when I care about the outcome.
      I am so blessed that I married my best friend. She is an amazing woman (more than I deserve). My point was that I don’t care about the superficial stuff because I love her beyond words. I don’t need anything fancy because she is my everything.
      Is it easy? Not always, I doubt any relationship is perfect all of the time. But we both love each other enough to always put the other person first.
      Perhaps you ex was only asking to feel as if you but him first… Or perhaps he really is as narcissistic as you say.
      However, please don’t put words in my mouth that I never said.

  7. Sharon Rose says:

    My husband and I kept our engagement a secret until the day after our wedding day so that I wouldn’t be stressed out by questions for which I had no answers, and so that we could have a quiet wedding with only 5 guests without having to tell people, “Yes, we’re getting married, but we’re not inviting you.” I had been sick for much of the previous year and needed a stress-free wedding so that i would have the energy to put into our marriage. My husband was fine with that. The only thing he decided on was to get emeralds put into my wedding ring, rather than blue sapphires. The rest, my mom and I handled on our own. We had barely enough time to move him to a nearby apartment, go to premarital counseling, and find him a job locally. And then we were married! We have been happily married for nearly three years, and we have a daughter who is simply adorable! Praises to our God who loves us so much!

    It was neat to read about your perspective on “not caring even though you want to.” There are some things no groom really cares about in comparison to how much the bride cares. That may not necessarily be an Aspie thing, except that NTs would be more likely to choose to fake interest. So yeah. :)

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